This post is part of an ongoing series on the books that I have read as part of my continual professional development (CPD). All of my CPD posts are available at the following link: Continual Professional Development
I’m constantly seeking frameworks and insights that help teams and leaders navigate the complexities of our industry. I’ve found that lessons from seemingly unrelated fields can often offer profound clarity. This post explores how Dr. Brené Brown’s “Rising Strong” resonates deeply with the challenges faced by those leading software engineers and technology teams. It’s a follow-up to my previous exploration of “Dare to Lead,” and further evidence of how valuable insights can be gleaned from diverse sources.
I’ve chosen a few powerful quotes from Rising Strong that I believe offer particularly relevant guidance for those of us working in the tech world.
Avoiding False Dichotomies
We often fall into the trap of thinking that choices are black and white: that we must choose one option over another. This is a dangerous simplification, especially when dealing with team dynamics or strategic decisions. Dr. Brown highlights this with the observation that we should be wary of these “either/or” formulations. The real power lies in questioning who benefits from forcing people to choose, and exploring alternative paths that foster collaboration and understanding. This is particularly relevant in technology, where diverse perspectives are crucial for innovation and problem-solving.
[we] should be wary of false dichotomies—those "either you’re with this or that" formulations. In fact, we learned that when faced with either-or dilemmas, the first question we should ask is, Who benefits by forcing people to choose?
The tech landscape is rife with false dichotomies: agile vs. waterfall, open source vs. proprietary, individual contributors vs. management. These artificial divisions can stifle creativity and create unnecessary conflict. By consciously challenging these false choices, we can create more inclusive and effective environments where everyone feels valued and empowered to contribute their best work.
Knowledge Through Action
Understanding a concept intellectually is one thing; truly internalizing it requires practical application and personal experience. Dr. Brown’s quote from the Asaro tribe beautifully illustrates this: “Knowledge is only a rumour until it lives in the muscle.” This resonates strongly with the way developers learn and grow. We can read countless articles and attend numerous workshops, but the real learning happens when we apply those concepts to real-world projects, experiment, and iterate. As leaders, we need to foster environments where experimentation is encouraged, and where failure is seen as a valuable learning opportunity.
The Asaro tribe of Indonesia and Papa New Guinea has a beautiful saying: "Knowledge is only a rumour until it lives in the muscle." What we understand and learn about rising strong is only rumour until we live it and integrate it through some form of creativity so that it becomes part of us.
This principle extends beyond individual developers. As technology leaders, we need to embody this ourselves: demonstrating practical application of principles like empathy, vulnerability, and courageous leadership. Leading by example is far more effective than simply telling people what to do.
The Danger of Uncontrolled Emotion
Uncontrolled emotional outbursts can erode trust and create a climate of fear within a team or organisation. Dr. Brown calls this “chandeliering”: the act of emotionally swinging from one extreme to another. This behaviour sabotages the safety that is essential for open communication and collaboration. When chandeliering becomes a pattern, it creates an “eggshell environment” where everyone is walking on eggshells, afraid to express themselves or take risks.
Uncontrolled eruptions of emotion (aka chandeliering) sabotage the safety that most of us are trying to create, whether in our families or our organisations. If it happens often enough, chandeliering leads to eggshell environments—fear-based settings where everyone is on edge.
In a technology environment, this can manifest as sudden, angry reactions to technical challenges, project setbacks, or even unconstructive feedback. Leaders must be mindful of their own emotional regulation and model calm, thoughtful responses, even in stressful situations. Creating a psychologically safe space requires consistent effort and a commitment to emotional intelligence.
The Importance of Self-Worth and Boundaries
It’s a common misconception that valuing our own work is selfish. However, Dr. Brown points out a crucial truth: “How can we expect people to put value on our work when we don’t value ourselves enough to set and hold uncomfortable boundaries?” This is particularly pertinent for those in technology who often feel pressured to overwork and sacrifice their well-being. If we don’t establish healthy boundaries, we risk burnout and resentment, which ultimately impacts the quality of our work.
How can we expect people to put value on our work when we don’t value ourselves enough to set and hold uncomfortable boundaries?
As leaders, we need to model healthy boundaries and encourage our teams to do the same. This means saying no when necessary, protecting time for focused work, and prioritizing well-being. It also means advocating for our team’s needs and ensuring they are not consistently overloaded.
Vulnerability as Strength
Vulnerability is often misinterpreted as weakness, but Dr. Brown powerfully reframes it as a source of strength. She states: “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” This is a cornerstone of courageous leadership. It means being willing to admit mistakes, ask for help, and share our own struggles.
Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.
In a technology environment, vulnerability can foster trust and connection. When leaders are willing to be vulnerable, it creates a safe space for team members to do the same, leading to more open communication, collaboration, and innovation.
Ready to Build a More Resilient and High-Performing Team?
These quotes from “Rising Strong” offer a powerful lens through which to examine the challenges and opportunities facing technology leaders today. By embracing vulnerability, challenging false dichotomies, and prioritizing emotional intelligence, we can create more resilient, innovative, and fulfilling workplaces.
I’ve spent years working with technology companies of all sizes to help them navigate these very challenges. If you’re looking for strategic guidance on building a more resilient and high-performing team, I’d love to hear from you.
Learn more about my services and get in touch here or use the contact form below. Let’s work together to create a more courageous and compassionate workplace.